bliss

Thought about grading rough drafts of essay on William Carlos Williams last night, cringed, and then opted for quick peek of The Bachelor--not so much as a stalling tactic but as clever trick to motivate myself to delve (to plunge) into the very broken world of the sophomore mind.



Normally two minutes of vacuous* brunette pondering fateful connection between her and Prince Charming based on last week's horoscope and their (astoundingly!) mutual love for the color red is enough to make little Caesar (as in Palace, not Shakespeare he assured me) Brown seem positively genius. Case in point: one contestant last night likened her emotions to butterflies whenever Prince Charming walked into the room. This metaphor, of course, is perfectly acceptable, if trite.



However, she then went on to say that during their one-on-one date the butterflies were flapping.

Normally this would be my cue to turn the show off and, fortified by the obvious fact that there are people in the world who need my verbal services, whip out my red pen, but c'mon...flapping!!!! When was the last time you saw a butterfly flapping its wings? I found myself irate and suddenly performing grande gestures that I can only explain as something I must have picked up over the years of watching my brother tell the Browns off in front of the television on Sunday afternoons.


Nearly twenty four hours have passed since my tantrum, and I've had time to reflect. Given healthy portion of chocolate-covered almonds prior to show, my behavior couldn't be blamed on low blood sugar. Nor could my outrage be blamed on bitterness, given my current state of bliss*. No, the cold hard truth is that my behavior was perfectly justifiable based on nothing more than my inherent disdain for dumb girls. Nothing--I repeat--nothing is more hateful to me than dumb girls.


Still, as an act of solidarity, I've decided to do my sister a favor and do what seems like the thing to do as of late.


Dear Mr. President,
Please please please lend your speechwriters to this chic I saw on television last night. She could surely benefit from the linguistic powerhouses you employ. I am aware of the fact that this is much to ask of someone who has a lot of upcoming public speaking engagements penciled in, but surely you could help a first-time voter like herself out. If funding a replacement for yourself doesn't fit into your budget, just bill it to the White Male. He won't even notice.
Sincerely,
Ms. Elle

eLLe sPELLs : vacuous \VAK-yoo-uhs\, adjective:
1. showing no intelligence or thought
2. having no meaning or direction; empty

bliss* as in I'm feeling inspired to wear both pink and a dress, maybe even a dress that is pink. And, anyone who knows me knows that this HAS NEVER EVER HAPPENED.