Eat again. Pray again. Love again.

16. You SHALL realize that actually any man anywhere reminds you of your ex.

17. Including the meat heads at the gym--so, you SHALL do 150 squats instead of 50 squats and smugly think to yourself "Let me show you how it's done, boys."

18. You SHALL rediscover the merits of refined sugar, white flour, trans fats and Vodka(see #17 again).

19. You SHALL stop shaving your legs every. single. freaking. day.

20. You SHALL be fully aware of all the things you shouldn't say and then you SHALL say them anyway. Ditto for the rebound you shouldn't date, the dog you shouldn't buy, and the red hair that looked so so cute on Rachel McAdams.

21. You SHALL run into your ex with his new girlfriend for the first time when stumbling out of a cab one morning with crimped hair and glitter on your cheek. You SHALL be wearing an acid-washed denim skirt and ripped leggings after having attended an 80s bash in the Hamptons the night before. (I swear! No seriously! I meant to look like this and oh my, yes, it's soooo nice to finally meet you, Katarina).

22. You SHALL assign a totally unfair,impromptu, in-class essay and blog when you should be teaching and not feel even a half of an ounce of professional guilt.

23. You SHALL be left only with photos of you with your ex, taken by your ex, or taken for your ex, which leads to the unfortunate "No photo available" on all those dating sites you plan to join, like, now.

24. You shall promise yourself you won't call and then you will.

25. You shall promise yourself you won't cry AGAIN and then grrrr... you will.

26. Sad but true-you SHALL once more contemplate the convent or perhaps updating your spring wardrobe with large maroon cardigans, but you (listen very very carefully here, ladies)SHALL NEVER EVER contemplate buying a multitude of cats.

27. You SHALL spend an inordinate amount of time in the hosiery aisle at Target weighing your options. Ditto for the "Guides to Amish Quilt-making" aisle at Barnes and Noble.

28. You SHALL take a stroll down your dark side. Oh you SHALL.

29. You SHALL contemplate all sorts of unsavory things that fall squarely under the category of "Hell hath no fury..."

29. You SHALL, however, restrain yourself. For your sake, dear. Not his.

30. You SHALL swear by all you know to be true in this world that you won't laugh again AND THEN...AND THEN...
one random Friday afternoon you will.