And God said...Walk. Away. From. The. Thin. Mints.

Oh, HE did.

I'm a Christian, and a sliver of what being a Christian is is tithing to the church to which I belong. Full disclosure here: I have found it easier to believe that Christ did in fact walk on water than to believe that a sliver of what being a Christian is is in fact tithing to the church to which I belong. I mean, does God really really need my Louboutin money? We are not even 100% sure if the man has feet. I've gone round and round with this requirement and still carry a fairly impressive--if unpublished--dissertation in my head regarding the finer points of giving or not giving money on Sunday mornings. Last week I came to the conclusion that despite my hesitation, I was going to start handing over the cash.

Well, as they say, no good deed goes unpunished.

For those of you who have been reading for the last couple of weeks, you are well aware of my current situation regarding the utter lack of Girl Scout cookies in my life. I, apparently, have been systematically ignored by all 400 troops in the northeastern corridor of Ohio. I know just know that my ex is presently harboring Samoas in his cupboard, but obviously these are going to go the way of my toothbrush and my favorite pair of fluffy white socks as casualties of war.

Anyway, after leaving church last Sunday I went to Wal Mart for well, um, a toothbrush and LO AND BEHOLD there in the parking lot in all of its green glory was Girl Scout Troop #359! Alleluliah! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Thin Mints would be mine, afterall. Praise Jesus! Heeheeheehee. They can't ignore me, I thought, if I walk right up to their table as a paying customer. And this, of course, would have been true

IF
I
HAD
ANY
CASH
LEFT
AFTER
TITHING.

Curses! The sweet little ladies at church were at that very moment counting my dollars and there I was in the parking lot. Of Wal Mart. In Ohio. In March. Single. Penniless. Toothbrushless and in the cruelest of all cruel twists--Thinmintless.

My only solace is that I have faith that I will be duly rewarded for my small sacrifice. So Dear God, if you are listening, in addition to that little date with James Bond scenario I was confiding in you about, I fully expect Girl Scout cookies to be plentiful in heaven. I also fully expect for them to be delivered on time and, of course, to be non-caloric.
m.