15 MORE things you always wanted to know about your high school English teacher

1. Yeah...the nurse's office? We know you're faking it.

2. Silent in-class reading assignments benefit us as much as you.

3. No, I don't have a stapler or cough drops.

4. We resent hall duty, bus duty*, and detention duty, but we inexplicably enjoy chaperoning your prom.

5. On that note-- lunch duty every Friday is our own personal version of hell.

6. We blame you for our little Twilight problem.

7. Whether we enjoy running into you outside of school depends on the location: Trader Joe's, Starbucks, the movie theater--fine. The dressing room at Victoria Secret's while you are with your grandmother and we are trying on a slip, the Wynn when it is waaaaaaaay past your curfew and we are on a date (hello, does not ANYBODY card these people?), the Cliff Notes aisle at Barnes and Nobles (self-explanatory)--not so much.

8. We actually do read your research papers--all fifteen pages of run on sentences that make us want to stab our eyes out with our red pens and curse that fateful day we changed our major from International Law to English for nothing more than the love of language which you are so very adept at destroying without even trying while we could be working on that little illegal immigration problem with a better chance of achieving results than teaching you how to spell. And. Every. Single. Painful. Fragment.

9. We will not accept your friend requests on FB under your flimsy guise of "friendship." Nice try, you little Perez Hilton wannabes.

10. Would be cheaters, we kid you not: Turnitin.com is truly a wonder to behold.

11. No, we don't think you will ever actually have to diagram the Star Spangled Banner in the real world, but trust us-- your ability to do so may one day unexpectedly come in handy, if say you bet your little punk brother $50 that you can do it and he can't.

12. We find our lesson on gerunds as boring as you do.

13. Regardless of what Joan and Frank (aka your parents, as in "mom" and "dad") say, we are not equals. Their house, their rules. Our house, our rules.

14. Yes, that Starbucks coffee cup is directly linked to the temporal lobes in our brains. Without it, we would not be able to talk to you at 7 freaking 15 in the morning.

15. And no! I still don't have a stapler or cough drops!

*mentioning bus duty is just me being quaint as I'm pretty sure high school students don't ride the bus anymore.