1. When you're not around, we split our infinitives and end our sentences in prepositions.
2. As far as your little high school romances go, we secretly wonder what you could possibly see in her. And what she could possibly see in you.
3. We check out your new shoes and whether you wore the same shirt on Tuesday.
4. Yeah...lie vs. lay? We have no idea.
5. We hate your papers more than you do.
6. We love snow days more than you do.
7. We abhor Beowulf. We just pretend to like it.*
8. We are somewhat bitter that more than likely within four years your tax bracket will surpass ours despite the fact that you don't even know what surpass means.
9. We watch 90210, too.
10. Those long cardigans we wear are strategic in nature.
11. On some days we can't stand you more than you could ever imagine.
12. On some days we love you more than we could ever imagine.
13. We dream in red pen.
14. That old saying about how teachers do it for the easy money is intrinsically flawed because 1. It's not easy and 2. There is no money.
15. That old saying about how someday you'll thank us? Yeah, that one's true.
*Whatever! Beowulf by Anonymous pretty much says it all. The rookie who wrote it wouldn't even admit to it. AND, it is the first story EVER written in English, so really I ask you: how good could it be?
1 comment:
1. I didn't even know grammar until I started teaching it 16 years ago- what a joke I was.
2. Save the drama for your mama.
3. I do check out the shoes all the time- CAUGHT!
4. My dog lies down, but sometimes I have to lay my dog on the couch.
5. I used to have two shots of vodka before I could read any papers. Thank God for sobriety.
6. Snow days? Surely you jest...
7. I love Beowulf and supplement what is in the lousy textbook with the Seamus Heaney translation. It's the Beowulf movie that is retarded.
8. I finally make a really good salary now with tons of days off, so I gave up that pathetic money cross.
9. I still watch The Simpsons.
10. The longer the cardigan, the bigger my ass looks. Those are only for sizes 0-6, sorry!
11. Only the students' constant noise makes me crazy.
12. I love them dearly, more than they will ever know. They are in my prayers every night and I can't wait until they graduate and I can make them Facebook friends.
13. I dream about the class being totally out of control.
14. I work my ass off.
15. Sometimes they thank me, and sometimes I have to say: I TOLD YOU SO.
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