a girl, a house on the beach, and a one-way ticket...day two

One would assume that a moneyed resort town made up of a patchwork of gated enclaves would be relatively safe. However, the evidence of late suggests otherwise.

Exhibit One
The Red Tide
As I type this, a nefarious algae bloom is slowly but decidedly floating itself inch by inch toward the shores of Lee and Collier Counties. Word on the street is that this particular algae bloom brings distinct and acute suffering to allergy sufferers ON LAND. Algae is one thing, but clever algae is another thing altogether.

Exhibit Two
"Flying Torpedoes"
Apparently, Collier County ice cream parlor owners have an issue with securely tying down the umbrellas to their outside tables. On the front page news yesterday, the lawyers of several unsuspecting patrons stated that their clients' sustained serious injuries (herniated disks etc.) from rogue umbrellas during a particularly gusty stretch of days last week. The reporter writes "Umbrellas, an invention that can be traced back about 4,000 years, originally were designed to protect people from the sun and, later, rain. However, a strong wind can tip an umbrella or turn it into a 'flying torpedo," causing serious injuries--or (gulp)* death." I consider myself warned.

Exhibit Three
"Residents Swap UFO Stories"
Oh, I kid you not. For those of you who know me, you know how very troubling I find this second page headline. To know me is to know that I fear aliens, serial killers, gorillas, raisins and cantaloupe (in that order). A few months ago I wrote about the alleged sightings in Northeastern Ohio. One Port Royal resident, Delicia Raft, 79, described the unidentified flying object as looking like the ball that drops in Times Square on New Year's Eve. While some may interpret this as proof that aliens like a good party, I interpret it as proof that aliens like a good countdown. Great.

So now that the streets, the water, and the sky are not safe, I've decided to spend my day doing the only logical thing a girl in my position can do--go crocodile sighting in the Everglades.

*writer's own embellishment

Photo courtesy of me. Look closely.

Tomorrow: Day Three (should the good Lord permit)